Pens and Knives
by lostbutneverlosing
Summary: AU. Erwin Smith is a best-selling novelist for Sina Publishing. Levi Ackerman is a convicted murderer. When Erwin is visiting numerous prisons to interview inmates for his newest novel, he finds himself sitting across from Levi. As Erwin develops a surprising bond with him, can he hold back from the dark criminal, or will he follow his feelings?
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

 **Author note: Hi! This is actually the first fanfiction I've ever written, and I'm interested to see how it goes. Eruri is my favourite ship from Shingeki no Kyojin, and I really wanted to write something for it. Any feedback, good or bad, would be highly appreciated. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

Erwin awoke in his study, the morning sunshine filtering through the large windows which offered a spectacular view of the city of London, the skyscrapers reflecting the amber glow of the sunrise. He was bent over his desk, his face pressed against the cold, hard surface. It was not unusual for him to wake up under such circumstances; he had lost count of the number of times he had stayed up during the night to continue his writing, coffee being his motivator, only stopping to rest when he passed out from sheer exhaustion right where he sat.

Erwin glanced at the clock on the wall above him, curious about the time. It was only 7:14am. It was a couple of hours earlier than the time he normally got up at, but he had heard a loud bang from somewhere in his apartment that had caused him to wake.

He lifted his head to find that the sheets of paper before him, which he had been working on that night with fierce determination, had been his- unintentionally- improvised pillow, and had rough creases through them. With a groan, Erwin tried to smooth them away with his hand while mentally asking himself why he still wasn't using a laptop for his work. The truth was that he had always preferred to write with paper and a pen, although his editor had insisted it would be easier to type. So long as he was able to write the original manuscripts on paper, his laptop would remain abandoned somewhere in the mess of his study.

The door behind him creaked slightly, and he turned to find himself under the stern glare of his editor and close friend, her arms folded tightly across her chest. Named Hanji Zoë, she had worked as Erwin's editor for half a decade, and had quickly become someone he trusted above most others. Her presence in his penthouse apartment in the early hours of the morning was not unexpected; learning that he was more accustomed to sleeping at his desk than in his bed when busy working on a project, which had caused him to miss not one, but three important meetings in the past due to his exhaustion, Hanji had thoroughly insisted on receiving a key to his place so she could ensure he was awake before any events of importance. It also allowed her to pick up any new drafts for his novels as soon as they were finished, and ensure he was meeting his deadlines. Such concern was hardly needed; Erwin was never late in finishing his work.

"Erwin, for goodness sake," Hanji huffed, nudging her glasses back up her nose before marching through the untidy mountains of books and papers to reach where he sat. "You really need to pull yourself together. If you don't remember to look after yourself, I'll have to hire a carer to feed you, bathe you, and put you to bed. Last time I remembered, you were thirty-two, and not a toddler."

"If I recall correctly, you once went three days without sleeping or taking a shower," he yawned. "So I don't think you're the right person to lecture me about that."

Hanji shrugged, adjusting the collar on her black blazer. "The difference between you and I is that you write the novel and present it publicly, and I do the work in the background. I don't have to look good, but you know how the media are with you." She waved a hand in dismissal, and Erwin was close enough to notice how ragged her bitten nails looked.

He rubbed his eyes and managed a tiny smile, knowing full well what she meant. As one of the leading novelists in the United Kingdom, journalists and camera teams could swarm him like vermin at the most inconvenient moments.

"I assure you, sleeping for only a couple of hours has been worthwhile." Erwin ran a hand through his thick blonde hair, making it look even messier than it was already. "I finally finished the first draft of ' _Surge of Hope'_ last night." It was his latest novel idea: another thriller, like the dozens of others he had published. He preferred to specialise in one genre, whereas some of the authors he had good relationships with had a variety of novels.

The editor's apparent anger vanished in the blink of an eye, replaced by a wide grin that spread over her delighted face. Despite being paid to assist in his writings and correct the few mistakes he made, Hanji was an avid supporter of his writing, and her enthusiasm could often be unnerving.

"That's marvellous!" she cried, jumping up and down in a childish manner. "That gives me something to work on when you're at Halmarsh Prison today." Although it was good he had finished the first draft, Erwin knew that he would have several drafts before the writing was perfected and of a publishable quality. It was tough work, and he often felt like his brain was being fried in his skull, but it was necessary if he wanted to have further bestsellers.

Out of nowhere, Hanji cussed so loudly that she made Erwin jump in his chair.

"You're supposed to be there in an hour."

She forced him to his feet, gripping his underarm to usher him through the spacious rooms until they reached the ensuite bathroom of his master bedroom. The bed looked completely untouched, and he recalled that he hadn't slept in it since Monday night. It was now Friday morning.

 _Hanji's right. I should really rest more_ , he thought to himself as she shoved him into the bathroom.

"Well, crap, if we hadn't been talking for a good few minutes, you would have had longer to shower and get dressed." She tapped her watch. "As it is, you have approximately thirty minutes until you should be in the car."

"Only thirty minutes?" he asked, irritated at himself for not getting up earlier, and irritated at Hanji for not mentioning it as soon as she walked in the room. It was his own fault, of course; if not for the editor, it was likely he would have completely slept through the time he was expected to spend at the prison.

"Yes, now hurry up and shower! I'll see you downstairs in the garage," she said, slamming the door in his face. Erwin turned away to the shower with a resigned sigh.

As he waited for the shower to heat, Erwin glanced in the mirror at his reflection. He looked as exhausted as he felt, with purple shadows under his eyes. He could admit that his career choice wasn't as taxing as some others, but it still caused him a questionable amount of stress and drained his energy. For the thousandth time, he wondered if that was the reason why his ex-wife had left him three years ago. Had she felt neglected due to his writing? Was he unbearable because of his frequent weariness? The same questions always occupied his mind when he thought of her. He didn't expect he would ever get an answer since they had dropped all contact after the divorce, but he had accepted that a long time ago.

* * *

As Erwin stepped into the lift which was to descend twenty-two floors into the underground garage, he allowed himself to look down at the interview questions he had between his long, pale fingers. Months ago, when he had started to interview prisoners for another project of his, he had thought up twelve questions that would be asked to them. However, after seeing the variety of people he found himself sitting across from and questioning, it didn't take long for him to start adapting the questions to suit them as individuals. He had underestimated the diversity of crimes committed by the men and women he spoke with. It seemed inappropriate to ask a television thief the same questions as an arsonist.

Erwin was wearing a grey, cashmere coat over a white shirt, black waistcoat and black dress trousers, his blonde hair parted to the left in his usual fashion. When visiting the other prisons, Erwin hadn't felt the need to dress in such a formal manner, as the men, women and youths he had visited so far had not committed- in his personal opinion- severe crimes. At first, he had been nervous, but he had been careful to hide it under pretence of confidence and indifference. Sure enough, the inmates had taken him seriously, and he became more comfortable.

However, Halmarsh Prison would be different. As a Category A prison, it was notorious for holding some of England's darkest and most dangerous criminals. Rapists, drug dealers, murderers...Erwin had no idea how he had gotten permission to access the inmates there. He had written detailed and informative letters to the prison, and eventually he was given access to interview eight of the inmates there. He hadn't been willing to go at first, he didn't want anything to do with those who were without morality, but Hanji had insisted that if he was going to write a novel about real prisoners, he might as well talk to some interesting ones.

 _There's a big difference between being interesting, and being insane_ , he thought to himself, but he had reluctantly agreed to go there if it was a benefit to his work and his publishing company that Hanji worked for, named Sina Publishing, thought it was a good idea.

Although his novel's purpose was to show the humanity of prisoners and release the stigma that all offenders were like hideous, inhumane creatures, he knew that no matter how many questions he asked or how hard he pressed for information, some of them were and would always be fucked up. It was a fact he wasn't willing to deny.

Erwin looked past the sheet of interview questions to glance at the note about the man he was visiting that morning.

His name was Farlan Church; he was twenty nine years old; he was sentenced to life imprisonment for dealing heroin. Erwin raised an eyebrow and folded the sheets of paper into his pocket as the lift came to a halt and the door opened with a faint ding. He didn't expect the interview to be that bad if the man wasn't a serial killer. Maybe he would have some interesting experiences.

In the garage, Hanji was standing beside his black Bentley, with Dita Ness, his personal driver, sitting at the wheel ready to go. She wordlessly handed Erwin a notebook, a small recorder and a pack of pens as he approached them. He noticed that she also had manuscript for his newly-completed novel in her arms, ready to be analysed and corrected.

"I hope this inmate gives you some good information," she said. "Just remember: some of these people have been forced into situations we can't even begin to imagine. Learn from them, and don't make prejudgements."

He nodded in acknowledgement, stepping into the back of the car but lowering the window so he could say goodbye.

"Don't force yourself to work too hard on the manuscript this time. There's no need to rush," he said. Hanji smiled warmly at him.

"I'll come around this evening to go over the first couple of chapters-" she patted the paper in her arms-" and we can discuss your interview today. I'm excited to hear about this drug dealer." She paused, brushing dark tendrils of hair away from her face. "Have you even eaten anything this morning?"

Erwin chuckled and shook his head quickly, before raising the window to block out her frustrated scolding about how childish it was to not eat breakfast and how important it was to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

"Let's go, Ness," he gave the order, and watched through the dark window as Hanji stomped back into the lift and vanished behind the narrowing doors.

"Yes, Mr. Smith," his driver said, pulling out of the garage and heading onto the street that was still quiet with its inhabitants sleeping.

* * *

"As you can see, our prison has one of the best security systems in the country," the guard that was escorting Erwin said proudly as they walked along the path that bordered a small field, flanked by two high chain fences. Numerous prisoners were in the field; a couple were playing a game of football while others stood or sat around in clusters.

It was early afternoon, and the summer sun beat down on Erwin as he followed the guard. He had finished his interview with Farlan Church, and would have left the prison already if he had not been offered the opportunity of a small tour. And so he found himself walking around the prison grounds behind the protection of a fence, like he was a guard.

"Have you had any escapes?" he asked the guard, curious to know. He stopped and turned to look at Erwin, shaking his head.

"No, there have been no escapes. I'm telling you, our security is of the highest standard, Mr. Smith."

"What about attempted escapes?"

The guard smiled wryly. "I can't really answer that."

They continued their walk along the gravelled path, Erwin nodding and commenting phrases of polite interest as the guard pointed out several parts of the prison. However, his tour was not half as interesting to Erwin as the inmates in the field. Every so often, he would find himself glancing over at them, and seeing fixed pairs of eyes blinking back at him. Secretly, he was thankful he was being escorted.

He spotted Farlan Church's light brown hair from the centre of the grass, his back turned away from Erwin. Beside him sat a smaller man, who had his arms wrapped around his knees, his chin resting on top. It was difficult to tell due to the distance between them, and his facial features were impossible to see clearly, but it appeared as though he had turned his dark-haired head to stare at Erwin, like several of his peers.

A shrill bell rang out, and the prisoners stood from the grass or gathered up the football they had played with and trudged back towards the main entrance, followed by officers. Erwin watched as Farlan's companion turned around once more to look over his shoulder in his direction before he passed through the door.

"I would say it's probably time I take you back," the guard said, roaming ahead. Erwin nodded, and strode behind him. He wondered idly if he would be fortunate enough to meet the man beside Farlan in one of his interviews. If the two men were close to each other, Erwin thought it would be good to find out more about the friendships between inmates at Halmarsh. It was unlikely, but he would remain hopeful.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

* * *

Erwin woke up just three minutes before his alarm clock blared- a victory he was inwardly proud of. He had decided to set one so that he could finally try to piece his daily routine together into something organised and healthy. He stretched out his long limbs in his large California King sized bed, glad that he no longer had to share it with his ex-wife, Marie, who had been prone to restless nights and had often disturbed him with her constant fidgeting. Waking up in a bed instead of being slumped at a desk was a lot more comfortable. He had gone to bed before midnight, which was a rarity in itself, and had stumbled into the soft, clean sheets with gratitude.

He been busy in the evening with Hanji as well as Moblit, another employee from the Sina Publishing house. The majority of their time was spent going over his latest completed novel, and when that was finished Hanji had pressed him for information about Halmarsh Prison and his first interview with Farlan Church.

"What was the prison like? I bet the heavier security was unnerving," she had asked, swirling a glass of red wine in her hand while Moblit sipped at his own at a rate so fast he would have been better off swallowing it in large gulps.

Erwin had sat back in his armchair, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "It was intriguing, to say the least. Yes, there were more officers and secured entrances, but I wouldn't say it was unnerving."

As Erwin pulled back the sheets and climbed out of bed, he thought over his first impression of Halmarsh Prison. The guards and officers had been pleasant to talk with as they escorted him around, and very informative. Through them, he had been told of how several inmates there had been too dangerous to be permitted access to others and were therefore isolated, but most were civilised enough to be around each other and participate in recreational activities. As Erwin was lead through halls, two guards acting as a safety cocoon around him, he had been unable to tell if the prisoners he passed were killers or drug dealers or whatever else. They all stared at him with the same empty or confused look, and moved on without further thought.

Farlan Church had been a positive start to Erwin's interviews there, but the man was hardly exceptional. He had answered all of the questions in a serious manner, but he had also been cheerful and polite. There was nothing Erwin could find dislikeable about him, and yet he couldn't help but feel disappointed that Farlan had no remarkable story or answers that would certainly catch his readers' interest. According to the prisoner, he had simply dealt heroin because it landed him a lot of money- money that was meaningless to him now when he was behind bars. He had nothing bold or entertaining to say about the prison that was now his home. Unfortunately, Erwin wasn't keen on planning to visit him again to ask more questions.

He showered today without rushing like yesterday, and allowed himself to enjoy the hot water that splashed over his skin, and the pillars of rising steam. Erwin had underestimated the effort he would need to interview so many prisoners in a variety of areas; Halmarsh Prison was only the fourth out of eight prisons he planned to visit, and it was already tiring. He was excited for when he would have enough material to compile the novel together and wouldn't have to wake up as early to travel to various areas of England for his interviews. He could sleep for as long as he liked, so long as Hanji didn't interfere, and take longer showers or baths without being rushed. The carefree, lazy lifestyle wouldn't last long though; it wouldn't take long before he would want to go back to working hard.

Looking at his watch, he knew he had just enough time to make breakfast before Ness would be waiting for him in the Bentley. Dressed in a plain white shirt and black trousers, he entered the expansive kitchen and popped bread into the toaster. He could have had a cook, he knew that several of his neighbours in the apartments below him did, but he preferred to be independent. He was happy enough with having a maid and a driver work for him. He didn't need anyone else. Cooking was also one of his hobbies, when he had spare time.

His phone began to vibrate on the counter beside him as he bit into his toast. Upon switching it on, he saw that Hanji had left him a message wishing him good luck again for today, and that he had a missed call from his ex-wife. Sighing, he gave a hasty reply to Hanji and then switched his phone off so he could finish his breakfast in peace. He didn't know what Marie wanted from him, and he wasn't at all concerned. They had barely communicated since their divorce three years ago, through his own choice; this was the fourth time since then that she had tried to call and just like the others, he was going to ignore it. She was out of his life, and it didn't bother him anymore.

As he cleared his plate away and pulled his coat on, he checked his notebook to see who he was interviewing today, even though he had already checked several times. The man's name was Levi Ackerman. He was twenty-seven years old. And he was a murderer.

Something about being alone in a room with someone that had killed a person was rather unsettling to Erwin. However, he remembered Hanji's suggestion of not prejudging anyone he encountered, and pushed any negative thoughts to the back of his mind. This man was a stranger, and he shouldn't hold expectations prior to their meeting.

* * *

Erwin bit the end of his pen as he sat alone in the brightly-lit room, the seat opposite to him still empty. He had been waiting for ten minutes for the guards to retrieve Levi Ackerman, and he had sat there with nothing to do but prepare his recorder and fidget with his pen. The room was bare, save for the metal table and two chairs, and smelled rather stale. An obvious camera was stationed in the corner of the room, watching him- or, depending on one's point of view, protecting him.

The door opened finally and a guard came through the entrance.

"Alright, Mr. Smith, you have about thirty minutes," he nodded to Erwin, and then turned to an unseen person behind the door. "Take a seat, Ackerman."

The first thing Erwin noticed about Levi Ackerman was his height. He was so _small._ He had to have been at least a foot shorter than him. As Levi paced into the room and came into full-view, he glanced at Erwin with an almost child-like face. He looked much younger than expected, but any doubts of his age were stopped as Erwin saw that he was visibly muscular even below his loose grey uniform, with a strong physique and broad shoulders despite his height.

The second thing he noticed was that it was the man Farlan had been sitting beside in the field yesterday. _What a coincidence_ , Erwin thought with surprise.

Mr. Ackerman regarded him with sharp grey eyes as he took a seat, and Erwin realised it was probably embarrassingly obvious that he had been staring. As the door to the room was shut, he cleared his throat and averted his eyes to the empty notepad page before him. His heartbeat betrayed him and began to accelerate. Why was he nervous? He had said the same thing he was saying now over a dozen times in the past few months.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Ackerman. My name is Erwin Smith, and I'm a novelist. I-"

"Spare me the introduction; I know who you are. I live in a prison, not a cave," he said. His voice was sonorous and sounded vaguely French. "I also prefer to be on first-name terms, so call me Levi, and not the formal 'Mr. Ackerman'."

Erwin peered up at him, taken aback by how direct he was. He wasn't used to being interrupted, and he wouldn't have expected the person sitting before him to do it. He gave a tight smile, trying not to take offense by it. _What will the rest of this interview be like, if this is how we interact before we've even properly began?_

"Have you read any of my books?" Erwin asked, hopeful that he had. When Levi shook his head, he felt a pang of disappointment.

"No. I'm not much of a reader," he said. "I have a couple of friends here who have read your stuff, and my sister's a big fan of your book _'The Reclamation'_. She wouldn't shut up about it last time she came to visit me." His eyes softened with evident fondness as he mentioned her, and Erwin took a guess that although the man seemed grumpy, he had a softer side for the things that mattered most to him. He thought that although Levi was rougher-looking than the men he had been surrounded with all of his life, he was still very handsome. He wondered what he would look like if he smiled, or laughed.

"I wouldn't say that was one of my best pieces of work, but I'm glad that I have someone out there that would say otherwise," Erwin said in reply, pressing the starting button on the small recorder and setting it on the table between them to symbolise the beginning of the interview.

"To start the questions off, Mr. Ack- uh, Levi, I would like you to tell me about your childhood. Where you were born, what it was like there, details like that."

Levi frowned, his body even tenser than it was before. "Why do you want to know about my childhood specifically?"

"The questions I'm asking you are more or less identical to those I have asked others," Erwin allowed himself to explain. "It's just so the readers will find it easier to visualise you, and notice the contrasts and similarities between all of the inmates I have interviewed. You don't have to share anything that is too personal for your own comfort."

The man's shoulders slumped and he rubbed his forehead. "Well, I was born in France. I don't remember much, but my family lived in a poor area and the street reeked of shit so I liked to walk to the beach and go through rich streets where it was clean and looked nice." Levi shrugged. "I guess I liked the sea, and the fresh air. It was definitely better than the fucking dump I stayed at. Anyway, I moved to the United Kingdom with my father and adopted sister, your biggest fan, when I was around twelve."

A shadow of sadness flitted across his face briefly, so fast that Erwin almost missed it as he finished writing his notes. He assumed it wasn't meant for his eyes, and he didn't question it. From the brief information he had been given, he had calculated that Levi had been imprisoned when he was sixteen or so, which meant his childhood had probably not been a joyful one. He was curious, but under a professional perspective it was rude to press him for more information, so Erwin merely nodded and continued on to the next question.

"Is there anything you miss from your childhood?"

"No, there's nothing I miss," came the brief and inscrutable answer. _Surely he can't mean that._

"Nothing at all?" Erwin asked.

Levi scowled at him. "Nothing."

With a slight shrug, Erwin wrote that down as his answer. He proceeded to ask Levi a couple of questions about how he adjusted to life in prison so many years ago. Each time, Levi would hesitate before answering, his eyes constantly trained on Erwin's face to gauge his reaction, which remained like stone. His answers were detailed in comparison to the question of his childhood.

Erwin eyed the next question on the paper before him. He hasn't sure if he would get a good answer or not, if Levi was being selectively blunt. Nonetheless, he decided to ask.

"What lead you to commit the cri-"

His words died in his mouth when he noticed Levi's eyes narrow to hostile slits, his jaw clenched. The atmosphere, which had already been extremely strange, suddenly plummeted down.

"That's a personal matter," he said coldly, staring unblinkingly at Erwin like a cat watching his prey before it attacked. It was fascinating and amusing to Erwin that such a small person could have a serious demeanour that could be just as threatening as a tall man looming over someone. If Levi's intention was to intimidate Erwin, he was to be sorely disappointed as the man's mouth curved upwards into a smile of its own will.

"Sorry," Erwin began as the man stared at him with eyes now widened in angered surprise, and his mouth parted. "It's just that I don't understand why you would agree to be interviewed if you didn't want to answer one of my first questions. Every other man and woman I have asked has answered this. Some of them may have told me false information that will make them look like better people, and others didn't have anything to hide because they knew I could access their records if it came down to it."

Levi let out a small, bitter laugh. "You mean to say you don't check our records before you sit down? It would have been a good idea to get some background info on all of us before you came here. For someone that's famous for writing books, you're not that smart."

"I have basic information for each person I interview, but I want to learn the majority of facts from them when they speak so it seems more genuine and I don't make prejudgements. I already know you committed a murder, so why not give me the reasoning behind it?" Erwin asked slowly as he fidgeted with the pen in his hands. So far, his notes were too brief for anyone's good. _Talking to this man has raised more questions than answers_ , he thought to himself.

Levi leaned forward in his seat.

"I would have preferred you looking in my file. Not all of us are thrilled to talk about what we have done in the past." He sighed, and swept a lock of black hair out of his eyes. "Look asshole, I'll tell you all you need to know, and in return you'll shut up with any questions that are related to this."

"Okay, go for it," Erwin said. He lifted the pen once more over the notebook page.

The other man let out grunt and leaned back in his seat again, his head falling back to stare at the ceiling. Erwin couldn't help but notice his exposed throat, the pale and unmarred skin the only thing his eyes could look at. An image of his lips pressing against him there flashed before his eyes and he gasped quietly in disgust before Levi began to speak. _What an unprofessional thought. He's a killer, and you're trying to use his life story for a novel and self-profit. It's hardly a suitable match._

"I stabbed my own father to death with a kitchen knife on my sixteenth birthday," he said, speaking each word with apparent difficulty but refusing to let it register on his face. "I stabbed him because I had no other choice." Levi glared up at Erwin. "That's all I'm willing to share with a stranger."

Erwin gave a nod of acceptance as he wrote down the answer word for word in his notepad. He hoped that Levi couldn't notice the shudder in his hand, the only physical sign of his shock. Levi had murdered his own father? Erwin glanced over at him, as Levi swept a finger over the table surface and scowled at it. He looked like a small and moody man; not at all insane or even violent. _There's more to the story, but he's not willing to share._ He wanted to reach deeper into his mind, to piece the full story together, but at the same time, he didn't want to hear any more. He didn't know Levi, and the knowledge that he had killed his parent was enough for him to bear. He was conflicted over his thoughts. He was eager to know more about Levi and his unfriendly persona, but the fact that he had killed a member of kin when he was just a teenager was a disturbing piece of information.

"Levi," he said, his voice grim. The prisoner stopped analysing his finger and locked eyes with him.

"What?"

"I'm not repulsed by what you did in the past. It's just surprising to meet someone that seems composed even though they're carrying a heavy burden," Erwin admitted.

"You say that, but I bet you're wondering why I'm not frothing at the mouth or even locked in chains right now," Levi said sarcastically. "Lying to me about how you aren't repulsed is wrong, and won't make me like you any more than I do already."

Erwin's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't need you to like me. I'm just saying that yes, murdering a parent is certainly abnormal, but you're not a monster."

Levi shook his head, his lips pressed together in a thin line.

"The way I see it, Mr. Smith, anyone that participates in the death of their parent is a monster."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

* * *

When Levi was weightlifting in the gym, he liked to pretend that the weights represented any struggles or concerns he had. By lifting those weights above him, he was raising them from his body and dispelling them elsewhere. If he could pick them up, they wouldn't crush him; he was in control.

He had been there for forty minutes or so, his grey top clinging to his skin which was layered in a sheen of sweat. Most of the inmates who had been there before him or arrived at around the same time had already gone elsewhere, and the gym was quiet except for the steady pace of a treadmill and quiet conversation from a corner of the large room.

It had been six days since he had sat down across from Erwin Smith, the big shot author, and participated in what was to be a rather pathetic interview. Only five or six questions had been asked before the man had flicked the switch of his recorder off and stood, making an abrupt exit with a paled face. Levi wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed that he was leaving early, but when he spoke out as Erwin placed a hand on the door knob, his mind had decided for him.

"I want you to come back and interview me again," he had said, and the writer had raised his eyebrows, which appeared to be the dominant feature of his face, in surprise.

"You want me to come back?" he asked.

Levi nodded. "I'm sure I just said that, yes."

Erwin's hand lowered from the door as he turned to face him full on. "Why?"

 _Shit_ , Levi had thought. _Why does he want an excuse?_

"It would be a waste of your time today if you only walked away from this prison with only a part of what I had to say," he answered. It was honest. Levi had lots to say about several things; he had only been asked the wrong questions, the questions that made him feel sick to his stomach when he thought about them. Erwin said nothing in reply, but he glanced at Levi for a moment before opening the door and striding through and clicking it shut behind him. At the time, Levi really didn't think he would be getting a second session, but when the guard came to escort him back to the cell, he was told that the interview would continue in a week, after Erwin had questioned some of the others.

Why did he care that he would see him again? If anyone else had been in Erwin's place, Levi would have lost patience with them as soon as they opened their mouth. As it was, he didn't think he liked the author very much, but he kept trying to reason with himself.

Erwin had looked exactly like a stereotypical celebrity: outrageously tall, handsome, with expensive-looking clothes and blond hair that Levi could only hope was natural. However, unlike the celebrities Levi and the other inmates had caught a glimpse at on television or in newspapers, Erwin had only smiled once in his presence. He had remained stoic and impassive for the majority of time, but smiled when Levi had first refused to answer his final question, on why he had committed his crime.

It had irked Levi because he had gone months, maybe even years, without having to talk about what happened when he was sixteen, and suddenly an unfamiliar man had walked into his life and demanded to know about his darkest thoughts and memories. Yes, Levi had given his consent to participate in the interview so he could earn more approval from the prison before his release, but he had assumed the questions would focus on his life at prison and his future instead of his earlier days.

He wondered what the other prisoners had thought when Erwin had asked them the same questions- supposedly. Had they also reacted negatively, like him? They probably hadn't committed anything half as serious.

Erwin had left an impression on him that he couldn't shake. It had been nearly a week, and to his frustration he kept reliving the brief interview and his time in that man's presence.

"I've been looking for you," a warm, familiar voice said, breaking through his scattered thoughts, and Levi looked above the weight in his fists to see Farlan leaning over him. He grunted and carefully lowered the weight back into place, sitting up and wiping his sweaty forehead with a cloth. Farlan sat beside him on the bench.

"You should have just assumed I was in here," Levi grumbled to his best friend, who smiled.

"Yeah, you're right. You always spend time in the gym when you have something on your mind," he replied, watching him closely. "So what's wrong?"

Levi sighed. He didn't want to talk about his feelings, but Farlan had caught on that something was on his mind and it wasn't likely that he would let him continue without discussing it.

"When Erwin Smith interviewed you, did he ask you about when you were a kid?" he asked him.

"Yeah, that was the first question he asked me," Farlan replied.

"Did he ask you why you dealt heroin?"

"Yes...that's why you've been acting strange lately? You're angry about what he asked you?" Farlan looked at him with investigative eyes, grey as a pigeon's feathers.

"No. Yes. I'm not sure," Levi said, biting his lip. "I'm angry that he didn't check my file, because if he had he probably wouldn't have asked me the shittiest questions possible. But..." He hesitated.

"But...?"

"He said he wasn't repulsed by what I did. He didn't even look disgusted when I told him I had killed my own father." _But he didn't exactly look thrilled either._

He could easily remember Erwin's intense blue eyes staring at him with solemn indifference when he had admitted to his crime. He had remained as such for most of their time together, but after trying to tell him he was not a monster and other bullshit, he had lost his composure and hurried away when Levi had told him that he thought of himself as monstrous for his actions so long ago. He had let slip part of his self-loathing to this stranger, and he had walked out.

"He didn't seem like a bad person," Farlan said. "Maybe he was too impassive, but I don't think he had any reason to try and offend you. He's just writing a novel to give his readers a better view of prison; it's a good idea."

Levi grunted in response. He probably was over-thinking. _That doesn't change the fact I thought he acted strangely_.

"He's got blond hair," Farlan commented innocently, and Levi tensed.

"Yes, I noticed. What of it?"

"You've always had a thing for blonds," Levi's friend laughed. "He's your type."

"Of course he had to be a blond. What an asshole."

"It's cute you've been thinking of him all week."

"Fuck you," Levi elbowed him roughly, but Farlan continued to smile. "You're insane."

"Don't pretend you've not been thinking about him," he replied. "You wouldn't have given him a second thought if he wasn't attractive."

Levi had thought about it. Often. It wasn't the love at first sight nonsense that you would find in a tacky romance movie, but he couldn't deny he had a small attraction to Erwin. It was humiliating; Erwin Smith was probably the last person on the planet who would be interested in a convicted murderer. The idea was ridiculous enough that Levi smiled.

"What?" Farlan asked.

"I can't believe we are talking about this. Just because I don't think he's ugly doesn't mean I want anything to do with him," Levi said. The conversation was starting to piss him off; a lot of the prisoners had been talking about Erwin all week, like he was some miracle-worker. All he was doing was talking to them and recording their answers, and getting rich off of their stories. It wasn't exactly saintly.

Farlan raised his palms in defence. "Okay, I get it. I was only teasing you."

They sat together in silence until a shrill alarm went off to signal the return to their cells.

Levi and Farlan stood, and walked out of the gym and up the staircase to the second floor. Their cells were relatively close, which was how they had become friends in the first place. Many of the men surrounding them looked weathered and a lot older; the younger inmates had a tendency to group together.

"When you see Erwin Smith tomorrow," Farlan spoke as they strode down the corridor with guards behind them, "Answer all of his questions. You won't have to see him ever again after that."

 _Is that really what I want?_ Levi questioned himself. _Do I really want this stranger to leave and never come back?_ So far as first impressions went, Erwin was very unreadable. Levi couldn't stand it. He had shared more with the writer than he had shared with the majority of people in his life. He hadn't even revealed that much about himself, but didn't he at least deserve a reaction from the person he spoke to? Erwin had just sat there and looked at him with eyes like ice.

He was loath to admit it, but he also wanted to know more about this best-selling author. His sister adored Erwin as a fan, but he had actually met him, and he wasn't at all impressed. Erwin had been frustratingly cryptic.

As he entered his prison cell, which smelled strongly of soap and disinfectant, he sat on the edge of his bed and cupped his face in his hands.

Levi wanted to finish the interview and walk out of the room forever. He wouldn't be happy, but in was in his best interest. Erwin Smith was only an obstacle in his way as he headed towards his release, after so many years.

* * *

The lake was like glass, motionless and bright with the reflection of the lampposts that tinged the black water orange around the edges. The air was cool on Erwin's face, and silent as nobody was around to disturb his thoughts.

Picking up a flat pebble, he rested it between his thumb and forefinger and hurtled it into the water, causing it to skim three times before finally disappearing below the surface. The only traces of its presence were the gentle ripples it had created, which slowly spread out. Erwin repeated the process countless times until his fingers were aching.

The past week at Halmarsh Prison had went by in a blur; he didn't know if that was because the interviews had been easy, or because he was anticipating his second attempt of an interview with Levi.

 _The way I see it, Mr. Smith, anyone that participates in the death of their parent is a monster._

The words had been imprinted on his brain. When Levi had initially said them, he had felt a sickening jolt in his stomach and an urge to flee that was beyond the power of his self-control. He didn't know Levi, and Levi didn't know him. They were nothing alike, and yet their biggest similarity was something only Erwin was conscious of. He finally knew someone who had a flicker of the same past, even though they were practically opposites.

When Levi had asked for him to come back, he hadn't expected it. Although he had definitely spoken those words, the stormy look on his face had given Erwin a reason to doubt that Levi meant it.

He had left the prison quickly, only pausing to speak with an officer to arrange his next visit with Levi when he was finished interviewing the other selected inmates, which would take at least a week. Erwin knew he had got off on the wrong footing with the prisoner, and he was embarrassed about his exit. He wanted to finish the interview successfully, without making a fool of himself.

He picked up another pebble to throw into the water and watch it sink under the water, before turning away and walking down the gravelled path to his car which waited alone in the car park.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

* * *

This time, when Levi was brought into the room by one of the guards, Erwin was not already sitting there with an open notebook and a stern face. He took a seat and let out a deep breath. He wondered what Erwin would bring up about last week, if he mentioned it at all. There wasn't much to say, but it wouldn't seem right if nothing was said. When it came down to it, Levi wanted to know why he had left abruptly.

He leaned his elbows on the table as the door finally opened and Erwin paced through, a courteous smile on his lips as he thanked the guard and closed the door behind him. The smile fell as soon as they were alone, and Levi found his bright blue eyes fixed on him.

"I want to set things straight," Erwin began, without moving towards the seat. "I think I should apologise for asking you questions you were clearly not comfortable with, and for leaving early. It now means I have to come back again to finish an interview that should have been completed last week." He stood over Levi like a tower, strong but frigid. _He's fucking huge_ , Levi observed.

He wasn't angry anymore about their previous interview; he had had a week to think things over and to see that Erwin had just made the stupid error of not checking his file. He appreciated Erwin's apology, but it wasn't like there was anything he needed to forgive.

"Thanks." He jerked his chin towards the empty chair. "The seat is there for a reason, you know."

"Oh, yeah." Erwin pulled it back and sat, placing his notebook and recorder carefully on the table surface. There was an awkward pause.

"I want to ask you something, before we never mention it again," Levi said. When Erwin nodded, his expression wary, Levi asked him.

"Did you leave because of what I did?"

Erwin's eyelids closed shut for what seemed like an eternity; when they finally opened, his eyes were steely and his lips compressed into a frown.

"No. I told you: I'm not disgusted by your crime. I left because of private matters."

"Oh." A tsunami of relief washed over Levi. He wasn't being open about his reasons, but it seemed clear enough that Erwin didn't hate him. _Don't get excited_ , he reminded himself. _It's all for nothing if you're going separate ways after today_.

"Well, let's get this over with," Levi asked, growing impatient with the delay. The staring at each other in silence crap was starting to get old.

Erwin looked at him pointedly, turned the recorder on, and looked down at the first question he had written in his notepad.

"I would like you to tell me about your relationship with the other inmates," he said.

Levi rubbed his eyes briefly and began to answer. "I can count on one hand how many of the men I speak to here. Some are alright, but most of them are sober pissheads. The first few years of prison were hard for me because they either wanted to fight, fuck or fuss over the system."

"How did the prisoners make your life difficult?"

"Well," Levi said, "It didn't take long before I got into a brawl. My inexperience and youth was probably something that attracted attention. I can see now that I was weak. One of the older guys was harassing an inmate who had just been put in the prison, so I had gone over and tried to defend him; the bastard almost broke my nose when he threw the first punch. After that, Farlan thanked me for standing up for him, and we kind of stuck together."

Levi could recall the memory with vivid detail despite the years, but he was sure that Farlan had already forgotten. Befriending him on that day had been a step forward for Levi that nobody but himself would understand. It was the first time he had made a friend. His connection with Farlan had been, for a long time, the one thing that helped him find even a scrap of self-worth.

He shook the memories aside to focus back on the present, where a frustrating blond man was watching him with eyes as blue as sky. Levi raised his eyebrows as he found Erwin to be smiling at him.

"What is it?" he asked. It was the first time he had seen Erwin look at him with a warm expression, and he could feel a small fluttering in his chest. Levi had underestimated how handsome he looked with a genuine smile on his face. Thinking about it made him simultaneously uncomfortable and elevated.

"I'm just trying to imagine you in a fight with a bigger guy," Erwin replied.

"Well, considering my height, that shouldn't be difficult," Levi said drily, but he was happy that he was finally communicating with Erwin without any tension.

"I hope you got a few good hits in," the writer said.

"Of course," Levi replied. "I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't."

The interview proceeded at a smooth pace and all questions, which Erwin had triple checked to make sure they weren't betraying Levi's request of avoiding the topic of his crime, were answered in a friendly and conversational form. The humour that was thrown in by both parties was minimal, but to see that Erwin was letting his impassive demeanour drop, even if only a little, was a sign that he was relaxed.

The clock on the wall seemed to be hurtling itself forward in time, and Levi hated it. He didn't particularly enjoy the interview itself- talking about himself was never pleasant- but having Erwin there, nodding and watching him with cheerful eyes even when his mouth was a firm line, made it better. If it was an option, he would have stayed there for hours and wouldn't have even complained about it.

Erwin finished scribbling down notes about the answer Levi had just given. He looked up.

"It looks like this is my final question for you," he said, his voice deep and matter-of-fact. He didn't even have the decency to look sad about it; his face remained like a mask. Levi gritted his teeth, his stomach sinking. He didn't want this bestselling author, whom he had only spoken with twice- and the first time had been embarrassing for both of them- to walk out of the door and never come back. He had wanted Erwin to hurry away from the prison as fast as possible, but now he wasn't so sure. _Can't he see how shit the situation is?_ He vented inwardly. _He probably has better things to do with his time than talk to me, and it's selfish, but I want him to at least look sympathetic that he doesn't have to see me again._

"What are your plans for the future?" Erwin asked, his body leaning forward in his seat. For the first time that day, Levi was at a loss for words. He was due to be released in less than a year, and he didn't know what he would do with himself. He had spent half of his life in prison; he probably couldn't function as a normal person, living alone in a house and working in a job, if he even managed to find employment.

"Uh," he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came to mind. He didn't want to look useless in front of a man who was critically-acclaimed and renowned to all the bookworms of the world.

"When I leave prison, I'll move in with my sister," Levi said. _That's if she'll let me._ "I'll look for a job, buy some clothes and eat food I haven't tried before, that kind of thing." There was silence.

"Maybe I'll fuck a guy from a random bar, and we'll fall in love and marry," he added with a sneer, and watched as his crude humour disarmed Erwin's stony expression as his lips parted in shock. _Maybe I shouldn't have said that,_ he thought _. He doesn't seem like the type of person that would appreciate jests like that._

Erwin's shoulders stiffened and he picked the recorder up to turn it off, wordlessly announcing the end of the interview. Levi wanted to punch himself.

"I've found that many prisoners desire the normal lifestyle, like you," Erwin said, neatly skirting around Levi's last statement. "I know I am not a prisoner, but sometimes I also want the same for myself. To be normal."

"Yes, I'm sure the fame and wealth is awfully difficult for you," Levi replied. Erwin didn't make any sense; why would someone like him want an ordinary life? He could have anything he could possibly want, but he was admitting to Levi that sometimes he didn't want it to be that way.

Erwin grimaced. "Sorry," he said. "That must have sounded really obnoxious."

"Whatever, it's not like I'm one to judge." Levi sighed.

Erwin gathered his things in his arms and rose to his feet. For a moment, he stood there, peering thoughtfully at the floor. Levi wondered if something was wrong until a glint of revelation appeared on his face and their gazes linked.

"Does your sister leave nearby?" Erwin asked out of nowhere, Levi's undivided attention solely on him now. The interview was over, so it wasn't like he had to ask any more questions.

"She lives in Enfield. Why?"

"I don't want to come off as arrogant, but would she like to meet me?"

Levi's brows furrowed. _What is this man getting at?_ His sister would probably jump for joy if she had the opportunity to meet someone she looked up to like a God. Seeing her happy would make him happy, too. Despite that, Levi didn't understand why Erwin would want a meeting with her to happen.

"Doesn't meeting only one fan seem like special treatment?" he asked, sceptical. Erwin hesitated before replying.

"Look at it as a thank you, for allowing me to interview you."

"Right..." Levi wasn't at all convinced, but deep down he knew his sister would be pissed if she missed the chance to talk with the writer. He also wanted to keep a grip on Erwin's presence, and if it meant he would see him again one more time, it was probably in his interest to accept the offer.

"My sister visits me every two weeks," Levi explained. "She's due to visit me next Tuesday, which is...four days from now. I guess you'd have to sort the visiting appointment out with the higher-ups, but you could see us then."

Erwin nodded. "I'll see you then." He turned his back and left through the door, closing it soundlessly behind him. Levi was left alone with his thoughts; he slumped against the seat and groaned aloud.

 _What the fuck is happening?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Author note: I finally updated. Truthfully, I wanted to release this chapter last week but I had no time. On the bright side, it's the longest chapter so far.**

 **I want to thank everyone who read, favourited, followed or reviewed this fanfiction so far. It keeps me motivated to continue writing even if I'm stuck for ideas. Thanks!**

* * *

CHAPTER 5

* * *

"Hanji, could you please refrain from entering my apartment when I'm not home?" Erwin asked as he closed the front door behind him. Hanji was sitting cross-legged on the white sectional sofa, papers littered across the floor and furniture around her. She lowered the chewed pen from her mouth as he approached, and grinned.

"This is my favourite chapter of ' _Surge of Hope'_ so far. The anti-climax here is genius," she said, pointing to a particular line on the page. The paper was criss-crossed with red and blue ink as she went about her editing. "It looks like we might have another best-seller on our hands."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," he said, settling himself opposite her. After leaving the prison, he had went alone to the City Centre and walked around for a couple of hours to clear the stinging thoughts in his head. The flurry of crowds and steady humming of car engines had calmed him quickly; fortunately for him, less than a dozen people had recognised him and asked for an autograph or a picture. It was nice to walk around like an ordinary citizen once in a while, but whilst the vast majority would be stressed over their jobs, shopping lists or family, Erwin was unsettled over one particular person: a blunt, brooding prisoner that he was struggling to forget.

"Erwin?" Hanji asked.

"Yes?"

"I know it's not really my place to ask, but is everything alright?" She put the papers in her grasp on the coffee table and looked at him.

"You have unrestrained access to my apartment, and you think asking if I'm okay is inappropriate?" Erwin shook his head in admonishment.

Hanji let out a short burst of laughter. "That sounded rather stupid." The softness fell from her face to reveal the worried seriousness underneath. "I can tell that something is on your mind. You've never been an overly talkative person, but you've been too quiet this week. You were really enthusiastic about visiting the other prisons, and you had a lot of interesting stories to tell me, but for Halmarsh you're just...silent."

Erwin rotated his head to glimpse out the window at the sea of orange city lights below. It seemed that Hanji's ability to read him was as sharp as ever, and he wished it wasn't.

"I suppose I've been so immersed in the interviews that I forgot to mention them to you," he said, keeping his eyes on the city.

She snorted. "That's bullshit, and you know it."

"Yeah," he said. "You're right." He offered no further explanation, and the pair sat across from each other, Hanji staring at him over the top of her glasses and him returning the look with no interest in admitting the truth to her. He didn't want to talk about Halmarsh and the unbreakable lure he had to it.

"Fine," she said, shaking her head with resignation. "Now, back onto a professional wavelength, you have possible meetings on Tuesday and Thursday of next week with Sina Publishing."

"Reschedule Tuesday," Erwin said firmly. "I have plans."

The editor's eyebrows rose. "What plans could be more important than this?"

He crossed one leg over the other and ran a hand through his hair. How much could he say to her? His head was a jumbled mess of feelings, and he was worried it would show through his words, no matter how impassive he thought he seemed.

"I'm returning to Halmarsh prison," he admitted. "One of the prisoners told me that his sister reads my books, so I offered to meet her as a favour for allowing me to interview him."

"Oh, okay." There was a pause. "And what are you going to do for the other inmates who agreed to speak with you?"

For the hundredth time since he had left Levi sitting there, bewildered, Erwin felt a pang of doubt. The more he thought about it, the more unreasonable his idea seemed. It wasn't fair that he was giving Levi special treatment; what the smaller man had refused to answer, many of the prisoners there had given him valuable and detailed information about instead. Logically, they deserved more gratitude, but Erwin was too willing to cast aside logic if it meant he would see Levi again.

"I'm still to arrange something for them," he said.

Hanji gathered all of the papers that surrounded her and shuffled them into a messy pile she could carry.

"I better go. It's getting late," she said, shrugging her coat on. Erwin also stood.

"I'll walk you to the door."

In the lift, they stood side by side, silence their companion. Erwin wasn't sure if he should mention Levi and his strange curiosity about him, or try to reassure her that nothing was amiss, but he wasn't given a chance as Hanji seized the opportunity and spoke up first.

"I don't know what you're up to, Erwin," she said with a familiar smile, "and truthfully, I wish you would open up about it, but I trust you. Feel free to speak to me if you need advice, or anything."

Erwin nodded and said thank you, but he didn't believe he would ever have to talk about it. He was attracted to Levi, despite the criminal record, the stony personality, and the fact they had only ever met twice. When he sat hunched over at his desk, he saw Levi's eyes glinting at him like two pools of liquid silver. When he was at the library to search for new books to read, he could hear the low, monotonous voice in his ear. When he was lying in bed and unable to sleep, he could see his lips curved into a smile he was yet to witness.

Erwin's feelings left him feeling like a child. He was sure that his interest was only peaked because he hadn't encountered anyone like Levi before. Of course he hadn't; it wasn't everyday you met a murderer that had intentionally killed the person they should have loved, but was also a self-proclaimed evil. He could admit to himself that Levi's past actions seemed horrific, but he didn't know the full story. He wasn't sure he wanted to. Erwin was ignoring the reason he was in prison as best he could, and as he had spoken to Levi and watched him talk about his life, it had became easier to pretend he was an ordinary, and alluring, guy.

As the door to the lift slid open, Erwin and Hanj stepped out and made their way across the foyer. The receptionist, wearing trim, white clothing, nodded in greeting to them as they passed by.

The cool air brushed Erwin's face as they went through the main entrance and onto the deserted street. It was late evening, and the sky was black above his head. He stood beside Hanji as she briskly called the taxi service on her mobile phone. When she hung up and shoved it back into her jacket pocket, she looked up at him.

"Isn't it about time you find someone?" she asked. Erwin just about choked on air in response.

"My love life isn't important," he said. When it came down to it, did he really have time for a partner? Incidentally, his mind flitted to Levi once more, and redness crept over his cheeks. _I don't think Hanji is referring to prisoners when she tells me I should find someone,_ he thought to himself. She had an eccentric persona at times, but even Hanji would be surprised if he told her about Levi. _I should stop referring to him as if we actually have a relationship. It's strange when we barely even class as acquaintances._

"Marie is history," she said, with a slight eye roll, and Erwin took a step backwards on the pavement in confusion. "A man in your position shouldn't be single. You'll have to get over her sooner or later."

 _She thinks I still want Marie?_ He scoffed. Marie was the last person to occupy his thoughts. With the way things ended between them, he didn't live in regret of how things unravelled. However, her assumption that he still held desire for his ex-wife had its own advantages. For one, it would mean she wouldn't suspect there was someone else in his own, perhaps deluded, sights.

"I still love her," Erwin said. The words tasted like ashes in his mouth. They were so bitter, and untrue, and he felt a pang of regret as soon as his mouth closed. Hanji's eyes widened behind her glasses when she heard the false confession. He couldn't believe that she was buying the facade; it was so unlike her to do so.

"I guess it must be hard to let go," she commented, as if to herself. "Especially if you were together for such a long time."

 _Yes, it was hard. So hard._

"I'm sure I'll find a way," he said, concluding the conversation as a taxi pulled up at the pavement curb. Saying goodbye to the editor as she closed the vehicle door and raced away into the dimness of the night, Erwin decided to go on yet another walk in the opposite direction. He found himself going on walks more and more often now.

Rain from the grey clouds that loomed overhead began to fall but Erwin continued to pace through the streets with his hands in his pockets. The droplets softly pitter-pattered on the ground, illuminated by the lampposts in an amber luminescence.

The interviews at Halmarsh had finished on a positive wavelength with Levi and he could now move on to other prisons to gather information for his novel. If he were to just leave after meeting Levi and his sister, and immerse himself in work, he would forget about the inmate in little to no time.

Erwin turned a corner as he was adjusting the sleeve of his jacket, and bumped straight into a tall figure that was walking in the opposite direction. He staggered backwards and squinted up in the darkness at the person, who was several inches taller than him. He had only ever known one person in his life that had reached such a tall height.

"Watch where you're going...huh," Mike Zacharius leaned forward into his personal space and inhaled slightly. Erwin would have been uncomfortable if he hadn't experienced it before, several years ago. He stood straight as the man leaned back and offered a small smile. "It's been a long time, Smith. Where the hell have you been?"

"Writing," he replied, and they shook hands. He hadn't seen Mike in a decade, and the accidental meeting was a pleasant surprise. Often he had thought about his high school friends, and where they were in life, but he had never tried to reach out to them for communication.

"I'm well aware of that," Mike said. "I've read most of your work. It's a big improvement from the scribbles you used to make during class."

Erwin's chest warmed at that; it would have been enough if Mike had known he was an author, but to have his old friend following his books made him happy.

"Thank you," he said cheerfully. "What brings you to the area? Last time I heard, you'd moved north."

Mike gestured towards a large house one hundred yards or so down the street. It was walled by neatly-trimmed hedges, but tall trees peeked out over the top. "I moved here over a month ago. I was offered a partnership with a better law firm." He sniffed, and turned back to Erwin. He looked different: his face bore more lines and facial hair, and his voice was gruffer. Even his persona had changed. Once, he had been an outgoing and overly ambitious teenager; now, he seemed collected and quiet.

"Congratulations on the partnership," Erwin said. "As a matter of fact, I also live in the area nearby." He pointed in the direction of the elaborate apartments, which were a few streets away.

The two men conversed on the pavement for a several minutes longer, ignorant to the rain that fell around them in the darkness. Eventually, Erwin felt a shiver on his skin and decided it would be best to return back to his home.

"You should join me for a drink sometime," he said, and Mike nodded in agreement. They had a lot to catch up on, and the idea of rekindling an old friendship was welcomed. They had both aged and matured so much so that they were like new people, but there was still the history of countless memories they both shared.

* * *

Four days later, Erwin found himself in a waiting room of the prison. He was early, but several of the high-backed uncomfortable seats around him were full as people patiently waited to be examined. It seemed to be standard procedure that you were checked for unauthorised items, more than once, before you were allowed to see any inmate.

Erwin hadn't really thought the visit through in as much detail as he normally would. For a start, he had no idea what Levi's adopted sister looked like, or even what her name was. He hoped that because she was a fan of his, she would be able to recognise him and initiate an introduction. That led to another factor that he hadn't thought about: what would the three of them talk about? If she was as talkative as Levi, the conversation would be short.

He was over thinking. How Erwin interacted with her was not half as important to him as being able to see Levi again was. He was edged with nerves, good and bad, and was unable to sit still on his seat.

He heard an authoritative voice and a confident but feminine one alongside it, speaking from the door entrance that all the visitors had come through. Without looking up from the grey tiling below, Erwin could hear the tapping of footsteps as they came closer and closer to him. When they stopped, he could see a pair of black-booted feet before him. Looking up, he saw they belonged to a petite woman, with large green eyes and red hair that stuck out wildly on her head. A wide grin fell over her face as they looked at each other.

"Wow," she said, her voice booming and causing onlookers to glare over in annoyance. "You look a lot taller in person!"

Erwin smiled, pressing a hand to his neck. At six ft. two, it was undeniable that he was tall, but there were enough men out there of greater heights that it didn't make his own height look remarkable.

"Pleased to meet ya!" she exclaimed, sticking a hand out for him to shake. "I'm Isabel Magnolia. I'm sure it's obvious that Levi is my brother, right?"

It wasn't obvious at all. Although there was little to no possibility that they would look similar if they weren't blood-related, Erwin hadn't expected Isabel to be so unlike her sibling in both appearance and demeanour.

"I'm pleased to meet you as well," he said, shaking her hand. _She's tough,_ he thought _. It's not common to find a handgrip that strong._

The barricaded door to the hall where inmates and visitors met scraped open, and two officers appeared to announce the beginning of the visiting hour and that everyone was to move to the tables through there, where the prisoners would join them shortly. As everyone ushered through, Erwin and Isabel walked through together.

"I hope Levi hasn't told you anything embarrassing about me," she said as they waited in line to pass through the door.

"No, not at all," he replied. _From my impression of him, he wouldn't seem like the type to do that, anyway._ "He did tell me that you like my books, but I wouldn't say that is embarrassing."

A loud guffaw came from her lips as they walked through the entrance and into the large hall. Several empty tables were positioned in different corners, which were beginning to fill as visitors sat down.

"There was a time," she said," When I was so addicted to your books that I wouldn't shut up about them. It got to the point that Levi told me not to visit him again if I didn't find something else to talk about." She folded her arms. "So, I stopped talking about them all the time. That doesn't mean I didn't love you any less!"

Erwin glanced at Isabel. She was easy-going and, as far as he could see, not hostile- a direct contrast from her brother. He admired her already.

"Thank you for finding such an interest in what I write," he said. After looking around the hall, they finally found the table that had a placard with 'Erwin Smith & Isabel Magnolia' printed on it. "Did you ever go to book signings or interviews of mine?"

"Nope," she huffed. To Erwin's surprise, she plopped into the seat right beside him, meaning that when Levi came in he would be opposite both of them. "I was always working when I had the chance to go, or I was visiting Big Brother."

"Oh, I see." He paused. "Do you visit him every single visiting session?"

"Well, you see," she said, smiling sadly," He's been in prison for what, twelve years? And I'm the only visitor he ever gets." She glanced at him with eyes like glimmering jade. "I have to visit him whenever I can, because otherwise he has no one, but I can only visit every two weeks."

 _No one._ Erwin couldn't stand the thought anyone being alone, but to imagine Levi in such a position was a sickening thought. This new information was a fresh motivator for his need to see this man that he barely knew again in the future. He wanted to be his second visitor.

A singular alarm bell blared, and the barred gate was opened. Prisoners, all in handcuffs, scurried over to their designated tables. Many hugged their parents, siblings, spouses or children in tight embraces. _Seeing your loved ones only one a week for an hour at the most must be rough for them._ Erwin, who saw his own relatives even less than that, felt oddly touched as he saw them all. _I'll have to write a segment in the book about this._

Levi appeared, winding his way through the tables to reach them, his wrists clinking as the handcuffs collided due to the way his hands were clasped. His eyes widened as he saw them sitting together, then relaxed into his normal, gloomy expression.

"Well, it looks like I won't need to make the introductions here," Levi said, taking a seat. He and Isabel did not attempt to hug each other, but Erwin could see from the varied facial expressions they continuously threw at each other, which he assumed he was not meant to see, that the physical affection was the only part of a platonic relationship that they lacked as siblings.

"I was just talking about how angry you used to get with me when I first read Erwin's novels," Isabel grinned. Levi's eyes flickered in his direction, looking at him properly for the first time since he had sat. Erwin was thankful of his composure capabilities; he might not look like it, but he was jittery under Levi's gaze. Levi's eyes moved up and over his body, slow and analytical, before reverting back to his sister.

"You were a pain in the ass," he said. "Sometimes, you still are."

"Hey, come on," she stretched over the table to swat him playfully.

"So," Levi said, leaning back in his seat and lacing his fingers together on the table," What exactly do you talk about when you do this type of thing with fans?"

 _I've only ever done one or two meetings with fans, and none of them were in high-security prisons._

"I'm used to being asked questions or discussing plot points. It's not specific." Erwin heard a soft sound of excitement beside him, and turned to see Isabel like a livewire. She looked up at him with an excited expression only Hanji would be able to match.

"I really, really want to ask you about what happened to the characters in ' _The Reclamation_ '," she said. "I always wanted to know."

Levi let out a short groan and ran a hand through his hair.

Erwin began to talk her through what he had envisioned for the characters of that novel. However, the more he answered, the more questions she drilled at him like ammunition. He hadn't met a reader that was so attuned to even the minor details, and her knowledge of his work became even more evident as time went by. Levi sat in patient silence the entire time, watching them talk. He didn't seem to understand or even enjoy what they discussed, but he listened along nonetheless.

"How long have you liked literature for?" Erwin questioned her.

She shrugged. "I wasn't good at reading adult fiction in English until I was like eighteen. It hasn't been long." She smiled to herself. "But I think books, and Big Brother of course, have had the largest impact on me in life."

"You don't have to make it sound so dramatic," Levi muttered, the embarrassment clear from his reddened cheeks. Erwin stared at him without realising. _He looks so good with a blush._

"What is it?" Levi asked him with one raised eyebrow. Erwin shook his head.

"It's nothing."

"What, you see something you like?" the prisoner asked him. The cliché question was clearly meant as a joke, but nothing humorous registered on his pale face. Erwin could feel the heat surfacing on his own face. He moved his gaze elsewhere.

"That's a stupid question to ask," Isabel scolded Levi. "Erwin was married a few years ago, to a _woman_. Besides, he's too good for you." Her intervention only made Erwin feel more uncomfortable, but he said nothing. It wouldn't seem appropriate for him to say 'Well, I actually like men too. And I'm not too good for him.'

"Yeah, I get it. I was joking, so lay off." He peered at Erwin. "Sorry if I offended you."

"You didn't."

The conversation changed to Isabel's job as a kennel worker. This time, Levi was able to participate by asking her how certain people he had never met before were, knowing them only because she told him everything that happened to her every fortnight. He didn't smile as they spoke, or even appear remotely happy, but there was nothing unhappy about him either.

After forty minutes, Erwin decided it would be best for him to leave so that Isabel and Levi could have some time alone.

"It was great meeting you!" Isabel said, going so far to thump him on the back. He smiled and nodded, then turned to Levi. The prisoner watched him with a dark look. _Does he feel the same way I do about leaving Halmarsh Prison for good?_ A heavy weight dropped in Erwin's stomach. _No, he wouldn't._

"I wish you both the best," Erwin managed to say. It sounded too final, like he would never see them again. The reality was, he probably wouldn't; it would be unusual for him to continue visiting Levi, and he wasn't sure he would be welcomed. They had gotten to know each other a bit better in their three encounters, but they were still strangers from two different worlds.

"You too," Levi said without looking at him. Erwin stood before the table for a moment, trying to find something else to say, but yielding nothing. He gave up and walked to the doors without turning back.

The further away he walked from the visiting hall, the emptier he felt inside. He wanted to turn back, to sit back down and learn more about Levi and his sister, but it was too late.

"Hey, wait!" he heard a woman's voice yell, and over his shoulder he saw Isabel clattering down the corridor towards him. _What?_ _Why did she come after me?_

"Say, Erwin," she breathed, bent over with tiredness. "I know you're a busy guy, and it might seem weird, but will Levi and I see you again?"

He looked at her in the eyes, surging with a flood of both confidence and nerves. And happiness, too, because it meant his presence was wanted.

"Yes," he said. "You will."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

* * *

A week passed, and Levi allowed himself the disappointment that came when he realised Erwin had not come to visit. As it had been since the day that bars sealed him within Halmarsh Prison over a decade ago, nobody had come for him when his sister was unavailable. He knew Erwin was a busy person; he didn't expect, nor want, priority over the writer's work. It wasn't like he- a convict, of all things- deserved any priority in the life of a man he barely knew, but wanted to know better. Erwin hadn't given Isabel further details when he had told her he would see Levi or her again in the future. According to her, he had stridden off with an air of indifference, leaving only a hastily written phone number on a scrap of paper in her palm, the only lingering evidence of his promise to them. He hadn't committed himself to a quick return, and Levi accepted it as easily as he accepted the days where he and few others were not in the visiting hall.

A month passed, and Levi's patience was thinning. Had Erwin changed his mind about coming back to visit? His frustration would clash with the guilt he felt whenever he thought about the writer, which was becoming more and more infrequent as the days went on. Annoyance with Erwin would arise in him, but his shame for having selfish thoughts would drag the feelings away. They were not friends, and Levi was entitled to nothing. The writer had probably only agreed to come back because Isabel could have been too pushy about it. Not everyone reacted well to her energetic personality, and Erwin Smith seemed an unlikely person to be in contact with someone like her on a regular basis. He had probably felt uncomfortable and said yes out of politeness, forgetting as soon as he had made his escape.

However, this seemed unlikely; Erwin and Isabel had surprised Levi by how easily conversation had come to them. Seeing them together like that, talking with bright eyes and equal interest, had made Levi relieved. He knew that enthusiasm came naturally to Isabel, but it was rare to see her smile with as much excitement as she had shown in Erwin's presence. Levi didn't only feel gratitude towards the writer for this; his feelings, which he had regarded as stupid in the past, were slowly strengthening. He didn't understand this man or his intentions, but he was beginning to see glimpses of gold in his stony demeanour.

Two months passed, and Levi was beginning to forget. But when he remembered, it was when he was idle, and the bitterness and hurt would ooze back into his mind like poison.

He was sitting on his bed with his back against the wall of his cell, staring at the lone book on his shelf, _'The Reclamation'_ and ' _Erwin Smith'_ printed in bold down the length of its worn spine.

He had complained to Isabel, on more than one occasion, about how unemotional he thought Erwin had been. He hadn't noticed that the conversation between him and his sister had often reverted back to Erwin, by his own fault. Eventually, he had spoken badly of the writer too many times as a way to privately vent about his absence in the visiting sessions, and Isabel had pressured Levi to order one of his books. _Maybe if you read his work, you wouldn't find him so unemotional_ , she had said, with fire in the depths of her green eyes. To see her in disagreement with Levi for the first time in years was an eye-opener. Normally, it was him that would be lecturing her. So he'd stopped talking about Erwin, and bought his damned book. If Isabel was inspired by this man and ready to defend him against her own brother, that was reason enough to read it.

' _The Reclamation'_ was the first book that Levi had ever finished. He didn't plan on calling Erwin unemotional ever again.

He had reread it, twice, and as he sat there staring at his copy, he would have considered doing it again if he was not preoccupied with a fresh wave of frustration. It had been two months, and Erwin had not came back to visit. What had been the point in saying yes to Isabel?

 _He may have serious writing talent_ , Levi thought to himself as he rose from the bed, _but it looks like he's shit at communication skills._ He had tried to tell himself that he didn't care if he saw Erwin again, but it was a total lie.

The alarm was set off to indicate the opening of the cells, and Levi waited for his door to be unlocked before he stalked down the dimly-lit corridor, passing Farlan and the others without a word of greeting. If he was going to do it, he had to do it now. If he hesitated, he would change his mind.

As he approached the telephone stand, which was currently abandoned, the sequence of numbers flitted through Levi's head over and over again. He had memorised Erwin's number, and recited it until it was embedded in his brain. This was the first time, maybe the only time, he would use it. If Erwin spoke to him without disinterest, he would have a reason to use it again. If his desire to meet again was one-sided, he would finally walk away and be glad for it. He had more important things going on, like his release.

His finger hovered over the dial, indecisive. Would it seem pathetic if he called him after two months? The last thing he wanted was for Erwin to realise he had thought of him countless times since they had last spoken. He worried that if he spoke to him, his annoyance at Erwin's absence would leak through his voice.

"Here goes nothing," he muttered to himself, proceeding to punch the buttons into the machine and hold the phone to his ear. His heart was in his mouth as the steady ringing began and his pulse quickened.

Seconds passed, and the slow ringing continued on at an agonising pace. Levi ground his teeth together. _Maybe Isabel didn't give me the right number._

When it went to voicemail, he swore and dropped the phone in its holder. His nerves had doubled, and it was all for nothing. He wouldn't be able to speak to Erwin again.

* * *

Erwin sat like a stick in his chair, trying hard to keep his eyes open. He was in the middle of a conference, and after a long hour he was tired of listening to the bickering of the people that also sat around the large table.

"This is charity event will be important for..."

Erwin's attention drifted elsewhere. It wasn't his job to participate in the organisation of events; Hanji and two other workers from Sina Publishing represented himself and their other successful authors who were relevant. Many had declined to show for the meeting, but those who had observed the discussions with bored expressions. It seemed that he wasn't alone. Given that most of the people there were from institutions and committees he had yet to learn the names of, it was possibly in his best interest to listen, but Erwin was not bothered.

He was drained of energy. For the past couple of months, he had been working constantly to finish the interviews in the remaining prisons, and get through the drafts of his newest novel with his editors. He thought that putting his full focus on work for a few weeks would lessen the load and give him more free time, but it seemed that for every task he completed, two more would surface. Additionally, he had accepted- now, with regret- a position as a weekly newspaper columnist.

"...a lot of big-name writers will be invited..."

Fortunately, Erwin had finished the interviews at the remaining prisons. He had met many new people, and some had had fascinating stories to tell him about their lives. Despite this, he couldn't help but wish he had been sitting across from Levi. No matter how many prisoners he spoke to, the small man wouldn't leave his mind.

"I'm sure you will all be in agreement that the charity we selected is..."

His mobile phone began to vibrate in his trouser pocket, buzzing against his leg. He tried to ignore it and turn his attention back to the current speaker, but the drab words that spilled from their mouth bored him. Normally, he would be a keen listener, but his lack of sleep and bad temper were enough to knock his attention. _I don't know why it's compulsory for me to be here. Hanji is doing all the talking._ He glanced at her from the corner of his eye; she was leaning forward in her chair with her elbows on the table surface, dark eyes staring out at the people opposite them as they replied to whatever she had just asked them.

Boredom won out over politeness, and Erwin discreetly slipped his phone out of his pocket and checked the number. He squinted down at it, surprised. He would have to check, but he was sure it was Levi's unique prison phone number. Each prisoner had their own number to call from, and Isabel had given Erwin her brother's when they had last seen each other.

 _For God's sake, if I wasn't sitting here I would have been able to answer._ Why was Levi trying to call him after two months? The thought made him happy, even though he wasn't sure what the prisoner would want to talk to him about. He doubted it would be to ask him to visit; although Isabel had asked him to come back, Levi had said nothing.

He felt a twinge of guilt. He had assured Isabel that he would see them again, but he hadn't. He knew that if he wanted to, he could avoid going back to that prison altogether and there would be no repercussions, but he had enjoyed his time with Levi and his sister. He liked Levi, despite their differences.

"...and the media loves to see so many celebrities in the one place..."

As prison rules stated, prisoners could phone visitors but the visitor instigating the call was not allowed. If Erwin ever wanted to know why Levi had tried to call him, long after their last meeting, he would have to visit him in person to find out.

Hanji gave him a sharp nudge with her elbow as an indication to put his phone away. Sighing, he shoved it back in his pocket and tried to listen once more to the ongoing discussion, but he had lost track of the topic as he mentally tried to rearrange his tasks and events to make free time for him. He wanted to see Levi without Isabel this time, and the next Tuesday was the visiting day she wasn't able to go to.

As the conference finally drew to a close, Erwin engaged in small conversations with a few of the others as they got up from the table and left. After a while, he said goodbye and took his time walking to the car park so he could check that the phone number was definitely Levi's. It was.

"You didn't catch anything in that conference, did you?" Erwin heard a familiar voice behind him, and he looked over his shoulder to find Hanji glaring up at him.

"I did," he replied, but he didn't sound convincing in the slightest. She let out a sound of displeasure and stepped closer to him.

"What's wrong with you? It's so unlike you to remain silent during a meeting," she said. "And then you got distracted by your phone...look, normally you're the best at separating your private life from your professional life, but you failed to do that today. So, you're either going to tell me what's going on, or you're going to stop thinking about it when we have work to do."

At that moment, he could recall one of the many reasons Hanji was a valuable person in his life: she was one of the few who were willing to tell him what he needed to hear. _She's right. I let myself get distracted, and now I might have missed important details because I was too busy thinking of Levi._

"It won't happen again," he said firmly, meaning every word. He wanted to see Levi, and he would, but he couldn't get sidetracked when it came down to his career.

* * *

"What, you tried to phone him?" Farlan asked, his eyes wide as he sat on Levi's bed and watched him clean his shelves. They had been discussing Isabel and one topic had lead to another, causing him to slip out the news that last week he had tried-and failed- to call the author.

"Yes," Levi replied, leaning down to examine the surface of the shelf with strong scrutiny. He caught sight of a speck of dust and swept it up with his cloth, triumphant. _I'm damned if my cell isn't the cleanest in the entire prison._

"You need to let it go," his friend shook his head. "He's not coming back. There are better people in his life to spend time with, and-."

"You think I don't know that?" Levi snapped. "The only reason I cared was because he told Isabel he would see us again. Who the hell goes around saying stuff like that without meaning it?"

"Uh, a lot of people. Anyway, I'll probably have to go soon. My mother's bringing along my brother today."

Levi turned to face him, folding the cloth over and over in his hands until it was a small ball. "How is he?"

Farlan scratched his head and grinned. "His leg is improving. The medication really worked this time."

Levi nodded, happy to hear this. He liked to hear good news from other people's lives; it gave him hope that even if his own life was a bleak existence, other people were not subjected to the same boredom or disappointment. He had met Farlan's brother once, over five years ago, and the resemblance between him and Levi's friend had been that of clones. The only difference between them was that Farlan's brother had a history of poor health. Levi snorted. It was ironic, considering what Farlan had done to land himself in jail.

"Well, I'll be off," Farlan said, standing and giving a small, casual wave as he left to return to his own cell. Levi watched him go, and then bent down to wipe the floor with long strokes until it shined with cleanliness within a few minutes. When he was finished, he heard someone clear his throat and looked up to see an officer standing over him with his arms folded.

"Ackerman, you have a visitor waiting for you. Get a move on."

Levi rose from his knees, smoothing down his clothing with his fingers. "I wasn't expecting a visitor."

The officer scowled. "Well, that makes no difference to me. Are you going to keep them waiting?"

As Levi trailed behind him down the corridor, he tried to think of possible people that would want to see him on a day he never received visitors. Was it possible that Erwin had come to see him?

He mentally slapped himself. _No. I need to pull myself the fuck together. He didn't come before, and he certainly won't be here now._ That left only one option: Isabel. Why would she be visiting when she was supposed to be at work? The idea that something could be wrong and she had rushed to see him didn't sit well in his mind. He was almost willing to pray she wouldn't be sitting there; it wasn't likely that something disastrous and relevant to both of them would happen, but he had a preference of Isabel being absent at the prison instead of skipping work to speak to him.

The officer went through standard procedure of searching his body for items and slapping handcuffs on him, and then he was walking through the door to the visiting hall, where there was already audible humming of conversation. His eyes searched the tables slowly, hoping not to catch sight of bright red hair.

His heart skipped a beat when his gaze fell upon a tall, blond man in a suit who was sitting alone, his piercing blue eyes staring right at him.


End file.
